My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
