And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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