i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
