Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my liver is dry heaving
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
