i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
