he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
