I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
