i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
