I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
