I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
