I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
