Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
