So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
