What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
