the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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