U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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