from now on my penis is your penis
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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