You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The best revenge is premature balding
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
