She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
