The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
