the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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