She said her name was "party"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
