I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
