Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
