Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
