During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
