...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
