I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Vodka?
Forever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
