I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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