im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Boobs speak an international language.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
