Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
