i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So many bounce houses so little time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
