there were more penises there than on chat roulette
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
