I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
