Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
