At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
nutella sex= disaster
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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