Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
