My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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