I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
