If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
