the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
