franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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