Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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