and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
