If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
