90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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