hotel room ftw
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
