everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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