Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
