The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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