He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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