So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
