I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my shit smells like andre
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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