I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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